2008 Hummer H2 Colorado

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In these days of high gas prices and consumer consciousness, you can be pretty much guaranteed that if you're driving a Hummer H2, about two-thirds of the people on the road hate you for it. And that's a shame. Driving an H2 is not unlike having a pet bear on a leash. You get noticed no matter where you go, and everyone recognizes what your pet's all about.

And, just like a bear, the things that really make a Hummer H2 special are things that it can't demonstrate in a socially acceptable way, at least not anywhere near a city. You wouldn't let your pet bear loose in the yard to impress the neighbors any more than you can do the things that the 2008 Hummer H2 is bred to do in the local public park. So, most H2 owners are prone to shouting "Yo, yo, yo, check out my pet bear!" because there ain't anything else they can do with it.

Updates for '08 include a revised interior that's much more upscale than before. All of that gray and black plastic was nice and durable, but it was out of place in a $60,000 vehicle like the H2. The new interior reflects the MSRP much better, with improved materials and more road isolation. There are substantial changes under the skin as well, from a more powerful 6.2 liter V8 engine and six-speed automatic transmission, to standard stability control to keep this big brick controllable in inclement weather.

Even with out a significant facelift, the 2008 Hummer H2 still turns heads, a fact made amply clear when when I drove past a bus stop. It's still a celebrity vehicle. The brick-house styling is unmistakable, thanks to the slab sides, tiny windows and apartment building-like stance. Narrow-set round headlights flank the grille, and there are still fake air-drop hooks on the hood that emulate the military Hummer. The H2 faithful will notice that the grille openings and lower grille are larger, the better to cool the new, bigger engine.

It's a long step up to get inside! Once inside, you're in what amounts to a leather-lined command center. The dashboard is all new, carrying hints of the revised Tahoe in its satin-aluminum on gray trim and six-gauge instrument panel. This may be a tough truck, but soft-touch materials mean that the 2008 Hummer H2 has a soft heart. Touches like the grab handle on the passenger side and the massive shift handle are familiar Hummer touches. The seats are more comfortable, front and rear, and rear-seat climate controls are now standard. A rear-seat DVD entertainment system is also available. Visibility is still poor; you're riding in a vehicle that was designed to look like a tank, and you won't forget it. Head-curtain side airbags are available, as are heated windshield washer nozzles, a backup camera, and a remote start system.

It's docile on the road, which shouldn't be a surprise considering the underpinnings. With a sturdy, welded ladder frame and beefy independent front suspension designed to climb sixteen-inch rocks, there isn't anything in suburbia to give it any kind of a challenge. Drive over curbs or parking blocks? Don't make the H2 laugh. A drainage ditch? What, there are only six inches of mud at the bottom? Lock the differentials and the H2 will pull right through, as long as one of the four wheels can find traction. The four-channel ABS is even programmed for off-roading. You will never be stuck in an H2, unless of course you do something stupid. It's the ultimate in suburban overkill.

Which is, of course, the problem. This isn't the military Hummer, of course, but it feels no less capable and strong. As an SUV or a truck, it's somewhat inefficient. There's not a lot of space inside considering its bulk, and the short wheelbase makes towing somewhat dicey. The H2 is for climbing over things and driving through hostile terrain, nothing more.

Climbing over things doesn't require decent mileage, and so the 2008 Hummer H2 isn't even remotely fuel-efficient, even with variable valve timing. The new 393 horsepower 6.2 liter V8 roars like the off-road beast that it is, and in the city, that's a roar of frustration and impotence. What good is 415 foot-pounds of stump-pulling torque when you're just trying to get through traffic without accidentally squashing a darting Corolla or Sentra? Oh, sure, the H2 would happily drive right over them, and the locking differentials and rock-climbing traction control would probably make it easy. But then we're right back to behavior that's not socially acceptable. The new engine is all aluminum, for reduced overall weight, and it does provide 8200 pounds of towing capacity. However, the Hummer's relatively stubby (for a truck) overall dimensions mean that it's not as adept at towing as a full-size pickup truck. The new six-speed automatic is the only transmission offered, and it's got a tall overdrive for improved freeway fuel economy.

So, where does that leave our poor bear? It's either a good-looking, well-respected vehicle of tremendous capability, or it's a $55,510 waste of space and resources that makes you look like a buffoon when you commute in it. Or perhaps it's both. The 2008 Hummer H2 I drove featured Hummer's Luxury Package, with extra chrome, a premium sound system, a sunroof, backup camera and a navigation system, and stickered for a grand total of $64,540.

Specifications:

All specs are for the 2008 Hummer H2
Length: 203.5 in.
Width: 81.2 in.
Height: 79.2 in.
Wheelbase: 122.8 in.
Curb weight: 6614 lb.
Cargo space: 40.0 cu.ft. (seats up); 86.6 cu.ft. (seats folded)
Towing capacity: 8200 lb.
Base price: $55,510
Price as tested: $64.540
Engine: 6.2 liter OHV V8
Drivetrain: six-speed automatic transmission, four-wheel drive
Horsepower: 393 @ 5700
Torque: 415 @ 4300
Fuel capacity: 32.0 gal.