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For Dummies is a registered trademark of Wiley Publishing, Inc. in the United States and other countries. Used here by license.Registering your emotions“First,” says one woman we know who was diagnosed with cancer in 1997, “you scream.” She is right, even if that scream is silent. This is a logical emotional response. After all, you have never before heard the words, “You have cancer.” When you do hear these terrifying words, you may have to ask that the doctor repeat the bad news. Some people recall that on first hearing them, these words sound dim and far away. Others report that their bodies begin to tremble involuntarily. And others appear to remain stonily silent, even as their minds race. Whatever your first reaction, you need time to make peace with your diagnosis.
Taking time to process the newsMore likely than not, you won’t be thinking clearly at first. You may start to tally up the people you know who have died of cancer, and you probably will wonder if you’re going to die, too. At this point, you simply don’t have enough information to know what the future holds. You may find yourself totally focused on the diagnosis, but that focus may be chaotic, with hope and fear fighting for your attention even as you try to frame important questions for your doctor.
Give yourself a break. Adjusting to the news that you have cancer takes time. Complete acceptance — if there is such a thing — won’t come in a day or a week or even a month, but gradually, you will adjust to the diagnosis. Long before that happens, you may find yourself heading into the operating room for cancer surgery or preparing for your first chemotherapy or radiation appointment. Don’t be surprised if, from time to time, you experience the same shock and fear all over again that you felt when you first heard the news.
Experiencing a range of emotionsAbout that recurring shock and fear: These are completely normal emotions. In fact, you likely will go through repeated periods of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may recognize these as the stages that people experience when confronting death. In this instance, you are experiencing the loss of life as you know it, the loss of good health, and the loss of feelings of immortality, so it makes sense that you experience these stages, even if you have treatable cancer.
Expect to take more than one ride on the emotional roller coaster as you move back and forth between a range of feelings. This process definitely involves taking two steps forward and one back.
Over time, you will come to recognize when your emotional well-being is at risk, and you will take comfort in knowing that a period of emotional upset most likely will be followed by a period of calm.
Telling family and friendsEarly on, after you have processed the news about your diagnosis and are ready to talk about it, you likely will want to tell family members and close friends so they can make themselves available to provide emotional support — and practical help as well. Many people who are newly diagnosed also want to speak with someone who has had cancer, someone who already has been through treatments and lived to tell the tale. In fact, you may find yourself having an exceptionally keen interest in hearing these tales! If you don’t know who to call, you may want to ask your doctor if she can have a survivor get in touch with you.
This is a good time, as you begin to gather information about your diagnosis and potential treatments, to talk with someone who has been there. That said, every individual — for a variety of reasons — experiences cancer and the treatments differently, so remember that the details of someone else’s story may not apply to you at all.
You also may want to speak with your boss, as your work schedule and obligations may be directly affected by your treatments. Who else needs to know? That depends on what type of person you are: The type who needs to tell as many people as possible, or the type who wants to tell as few people as possible. You know yourself best and will act accordingly
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For Dummies is a registered trademark of Wiley Publishing, Inc. in the United States and other countries. Used here by license.