Experiencing a relationship break down can be like watching a car crash in slow motion. Here’s how to hit the brakes…
Back to basics
Talk it through
Friendly advice
Whether you are married or living together, most relationships go through a rocky patch now and then. But if your every conversation turns into an argument and you’re feeling unloved and unappreciated, then it’s time to take action.
Back to basicsIf you are arguing constantly, or your other half’s behaving is unacceptable, if they are having an affair or being violent or abusive towards you, it’s going to be difficult to make amends. But many people will want to try to work it out.
“Most marriages reach some sort of crisis point and all marriages need persevering with in order to make them work,” said Phillip Hodson, fellow of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy. “There is no cast-iron formula for deciding when a relationship is dead - except if abuse is taking place, which is never acceptable.”
If you think your relationship is worth saving, book a weekend away or a meal out without the kids – these are both good ways of opening up the lines of communication. If that doesn’t work, it could be time to draft in the professionals.
Talk it throughOne in three couples has relationship counselling and the results are largely positive. “You only learn from things that frustrate and puzzle you,” said Hodson. “And life is too short to feel completely trapped, unfulfilled and disengaged.”
As well as one-on-one talks, you could also try taking part in group sessions on conflict resolution, which help you to change your behaviour for the better.
Bringing your problems out into the open might get a negative response from your partner, but it’s healthy to deal with issues head-on rather than keeping them bottled up. Even if your partner refuses to talk about it, it might give him/her the opportunity to think it through. Even if counselling doesn’t work, it may at least clarify some issues, and research shows that couples who have had counselling are more likely to separate amicably. Remember, if you do manage to work through your problems, you’ll be stronger for it.
Friendly adviceIf you do decide to split, friends and family can offer emotional support, but it’s important to find a solution yourself.
“It helps to try to see the world through your ex’s eyes,” said Hodson. “Blame is human and easy to do, but it’s also primitive and prejudiced. If you prove you married an idiot you also prove you are the idiot who married him.”
If you’re feeling down about the split, remember that it’s normal to grieve. “If feelings of depression become prolonged – lasting many months – and stop you from functioning, you should see your GP. But don’t be too hard on yourself. Having a tough six to ten weeks is a ‘reasonable’ price to pay for the loss of your hopes and dreams.”
Read article at InsideDivorce.com