More than ever, we are all exposed to examples of remarkable beauty, inconceivable wealth, and models with untethered power and influence.
Recent research suggests that this is not helping us at all…in fact it’s probably hurting us. The contrast affect occurs when we begin to compare ourselves with examples of extraordinary wealth, beauty, or power and success. What happens is we tend to evaluate ourselves negatively, and feel poorly afterwards.
Do we do this intentionally or consciously?
No. This appears to be an automatic process that occurs without effort. We end of comparing ourselves with others, and often then feel badly.
What has changed is that we live in a world where beautiful actors and actresses, remarkably successful people, and breathtaking models are “in our face” on a daily basis.
We have more exposure to beauty, wealth and success then we’ve ever had before. Thus, what we find is that many people end of feeling badly about themselves, when they are exposed to these examples in our society.
Let’s cover a few examples:
As I discuss these findings, please keep in mind that much of the research in this area is completed with college students and young adults. However, there is little reason to believe that these same finding don’t apply to children of a much younger age.
1. Women exposed to beautiful women feel less attractive and report lowered self-esteem.
In Western societies, an extraordinary emphasis is pout upon a woman’s appearance, and her physique. In fact, part of what these research results clearly imply is that many women wrap an extraordinary amount of their self-esteem around their appearance.
The degree to which we tend to compare ourselves with others is evident in this result. All it takes is minimal exposure to another woman who is viewed as beautiful and attractive, and women rate themselves in less desirable ways.
2. Men exposed to beautiful women suddenly rate their commitment to their partner as lower.
When men are exposed to situations where there are beautiful women, they immediately change their rating on their commitment to their partner.
While many people may be dismayed or somewhat bothered by these results, these are not conscious decisions made by us. This is an automatic process that is the function of the way in which we have all been raised, and the manner in which we compare ourselves with others.
3. Men exposed to highly successful and influential men rate themselves lower, and feel a reduce sense of self-esteem.
For men, they esteem themselves more based upon their money and their success. Thus, when exposed to successful men, this is where their self-esteem is influenced. They automatically, without effort, start to feel badly themselves, and begin to ruminate in more negative ways.
4. Again we notice a trend. In our society, men are valued more for their status, their success and their influence.
When women are exposed to such individuals, their ratings of commitment to their partner are automatically reduced, without their thought or intention.
Why are these findings important?
These findings point to the natural impact of being exposed, on a constant, daily basis, to role models that are extraordinarily disproportionate to every day life.
Women walk by the news stands, and see pictures of beautiful model after beautiful model, whose bodies are air brushed to perfection, and compare themselves to that. On almost every popular TV show, the actors and actresses have little in common with the average person on the street, as they all exude beauty and have extraordinary physiques.
The result is that we all end up comparing ourselves, and feeling worse about this.
To make matters worse, if you are a man you come home after perhaps a twelve hour day. You have dinner with the kids, and sit down to watch an episode with Donald Trump.
How do you rate? How do you feel good?
Unfortunately, in all of these situations, the contrast affect only serves to reduce our self-esteem and make us feel more inadequate.
It’s important to note that this is not something that we choose. It’s an automatic process.
However, it is so strongly automated by the value that our culture and society puts upon beauty, status, wealth and power. These are exemplified, and held up to be the model that we should all aspire to.
We don’t see TV shows with actors and actresses with “uncommonly average looks.” Instead they’re all beautiful.
The shows that get more and more attention are Martha Stewart and Donald Trump.
We’re constantly exposed to situations where, while living in an enormously blessed culture and society, we feel as if we are “not enough” because the models that we uphold are of such extraordinary wealth and beauty.
Why is this important to you and your family?
Depression is on the rise with the youth in today’s society. In an article by David Bus in the American Psychologist, Dr. Bus noted that or hypothesized that there might be two reasons for this. First, he emphasized that the contract affect may be leading kids to compare themselves with unreasonable expectations of beauty and success.
To make matters worse, many of today’s high schoolers observe their peers driving to school in a new BMW, throwing outrageous parties on weekends, and having plastic surgery at the age of seventeen.
Dr. Bus speculates that these comparisons are perhaps inappropriate, and have heightened the sense of sadness and depression that today’s youth experience.
Secondly, Dr. Bus also speculates about the impact of the deteriorating role that family plays in today’s youth. As I have often addressed in my newsletters, we need to seriously pause, and question the degree to which our lives have become overly active, excessively filled with parents as spectators and coaches, with an obvious lack of shared family activities.
What can we do about the contrast affect?
It seems best to keep headed in the direction for reality. Limit the amount of time that kids spend being exposed to TV, magazines and media advertising where the models and actors are of disproportionate beauty and success.
Secondly, make sure that your attention and energy is devoted to what it is that you really value. Instead of talking about Brad and Jennifer, talk about your own family.
Third, rather than competing with the Jones, drop out of the competition. No one wins that race anyway. Instead, focus on nurturing the values that you respect and admire. Whether it’s being an active contributor to a local charity, volunteering at the nursing home, going for a weekly hike with family, or simply sharing time at your grandparents, all of these activities reflect values of a more enduring and sustaining nature.
Please keep in mind that this is not just Dr. Cale’s opinion. The impact of these family focused activities is now becoming well documented, and serves as a protection against the influence of the mass media and the contrast affect.
Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His Web site,
www.TerrificParenting.com,, offers free parenting guidance and an e-mail newsletter.