 | |
provided by:
For Dummies is a registered trademark of Wiley Publishing, Inc. in the United States and other countries. Used here by license.Considering our changing valuesBefore the inventions of anesthesia and baby formula, all mothers felt the birth of their children and the sensation of their children suckling on the breast. Since these inventions, values have changed in our culture, as have conventional wisdoms.
The choices many parents now make when giving birth are based on cost- and time-effectiveness — if not for the parents themselves, at least for the hospital and its staff. Nature’s primal callings have been minimized by a healthcare profession that has to manage huge demands on its time. Epidurals (a form of anesthesia delivered through the spine) are the norm, and Caesarean deliveries are performed in as many as a quarter of all pregnancies. During much of the twentieth century, formula was touted as the best option for mother and baby; breastfeeding was considered an inferior feeding method and an inconvenience.
We certainly understand that sometimes Caesareans and epidurals are medically necessary, and some of the changes that have occurred have resulted in greater health for mothers and babies.
However, we also recognize another result of our changing values: Opportunities for touch and bonding between parent and child have been reduced.
Another factor that impedes the bond between parent and child is a detached approach to parenting, which nurtures laziness or apathy. Parents are only human, and the demands of everyday life, particularly with an infant or young child, are enormous.
Detachment parenting is an invitation to do and care less. We all have within us the capacity to be lazy or believe we deserve a break. That’s why it’s important to consciously make a commitment to attachment-focused nurturing and bonding. If you invest energy today, you will reap rewards throughout your life.
Choosing attachment parentingSo what exactly does the term attachment parenting mean? Attachment parenting is a philosophy of parenting that emphasizes creating a secure attachment with your baby. This parenting style is about being sensitive to your children, getting to know them and their needs, and relying on your own intuition as a parent.
While there aren’t any specific rules or guidelines to follow to practice attachment parenting, here are some tools you can use that make a secure attachment with your child more likely:
Massage your baby.
Breastfeed.
Avoid separations.
Co-sleep.
Wear your baby in a sling.
Bond with your baby immediately after birth.
Respond to your baby’s cries.
Feed your baby on cue, not on a schedule.
Not all these tools will work for you, your baby, or your family. That’s why relying on your intuition is so important. You can formula-feed your baby and sleep in separate rooms and still be practicing attachment parenting.
To many people, the term attachment parenting probably sounds scary. After all, we want our children to grow up and be independent, not attached to our hips for the rest of our lives, right?
A better term to describe this parenting style would probably be healthy interdependent promoting parenting. But that’s just too much of a mouthful.
Whatever you want to name it, this approach to parenting has many benefits:
Your baby learns to trust you.
Your baby grows into a sensitive and empathic child and adult.
Your baby learns interdependence: how to care about and connect with others in a compassionate and cooperative way.
Because attachment-parented babies spend less time crying than others, their energy goes into growing and learning. Attachment-parented babies also tend to be more alert and focused.
Attachment-parented babies are more confident.
You become more sensitive.
A deep attachment between you and your baby is formed.
You have a happy baby whose needs are met and feelings are respected.
Spoiling your baby?
New parents sometimes hear advice from older generations — and child development experts — about not spoiling their children by giving them too much attention and responding immediately to their needs. Theories about child development have changed radically through the years. Not long ago, new parents were advised to ignore their babies’ cries to be fed in order to create a strict feeding schedule.
And recently, sleep trainers have become popular, helping new parents get their babies onto a sleep schedule as early as possible.
While these practices serve a purpose — creating predictable routines early in an infant’s life — they can contribute to a sense of separation between parent and child. This is just one more reason to make a conscious choice to devote time to bonding through touch and massage.
In Vimala McClure’s book Infant Massage, she writes, “As with fruit, neglect rather than attention spoils a child.” You are the center of your baby’s world (and she is the center of yours!). Your baby relies on you for everything: food, love, safety, nurturing. We believe that if spoiling refers to giving your baby lots of love and attention and responding to her needs, then by all means, you should spoil away!
| |
provided by:
For Dummies is a registered trademark of Wiley Publishing, Inc. in the United States and other countries. Used here by license.